I've been thinking. (dangerous I know)
I've been thinking about what life truly is. What life actually is...
In the past I used to imagine life was - ya know - "living the good life" sorta thing where most of my time was primarily spent on a beach with a drink with an umbrella in it or going on vacations to Disneyland with my family. Like normal usual life stuff. It's Spring Break - take the kiddies to Legoland....you get the picture.
But none of that is actually life. That's not really living.
Living is in that moment when the "you know what" hits the fan and you are scrambling around, attempting not to go full blown anxiety attack.
Living is in the 5am alarm clock. (ugh - I hate it too)
Living is in the stress. It's in the what seems like nonstop onslaught of trial after trial.
Living is in thinking when you lay your head down at night "Alright another day past - I will get up tomorrow and do it all over again and whatever else this world throws at me."
You see Jesus came to give us "life more abundantly". He didn't say it would be an easy life, or a rich life, or an awesome life - He just said life more abundantly.
In my mind - life more abundantly = s**t hitting the fan constantly....
The living is in the experiences. It's in the trials. It's in the tribulations. This is His "Life More Abundantly". He never said "Believe in me and you'll be rich and happy and loved and...." blah blah. Nope. He never said that. He said "Take up your cross and walk with Me."
When you follow Him - as I am learning from reading the book "Not a Fan" - you open yourself to pain. To hate, to trials. To tribulations.
I took up my cross. I said I'd walk with Him. And so He has given me Life Abundantly.
Oh I still angry, sad, depressed, etc when all those fabulous experiences of "life more abundantly" come crashing in.
Difference is - I know what they are for. I asked Him to give me Life - and He did. Oh boy did He.
Moral of the story - uhhh don't follow Jesus and expect to be showered with money, riches, fame - and make sure you understand what you say when you ask to be in His favor. More than likely He will heap more life on ya....
Following Jesus means you open the door for pain. It will hurt. You will cry. You will scream. It will sometimes feel like death over and over. But He is building you. He is giving you life more abundantly.
Now I go to bed for today I lived my wild life and fought battles, and tomorrow I get up to do it and more all over again.
All because I wanted Life - More Abundantly.
I am forever thankful for His Grace. For His ever guiding hand. For Him holding me up when the life He had given me felt like it was dying. Thankful for Him in every way conceivable.