So Alexandra had a HUGE friggin temper tantrum after she came out of PT today. Throwing her lollipop, slamming the floor, and screaming at the top of her lungs. I tried to calm her down, only to pick her up and then be kicked in my right side where I am having the pain left over from the gallbladder surgery. Ok so Im pretty pissed. I am sick and tired of being used and abused and giving everything Ive got only to be punched where it hurts the worst.
I understand shes 3. I get it. Doesnt mean I cant be pissed. She yells at me constantly. She wants me to entertain her every minute of the day. And if I dont she does this whiny thing thats like hearing nails on a chalkboard. Right now, I hate being a stay at home Mom. In a few hours I may feel better, I may feel worse. It is okay for me to get this out. If I dont, I might damage property. So if you dont wanna hear a Mom complain about the fact that she hates her life.....STOP READING.
I hate everything. I hate everyone. I am filled with jealousy and envy. The two worst emotions you can possibly have. I envy the Mother who has a healthy child, I envy the Mom's who somehow like being a stay at home Mom. I hate it. Im bored, physically exhausted, and mentally drained. I am at my wits end. Now you know why I tried Abilify. But that was way too drugged up for me. Why cant they make a pill that just makes you happy and carefree? Im fucking tired.
I want a vacation. And Im fine with taking a vacation with the kids. I just dont wanna have to do all the mundane things I do everyday for them. I dont wanna cook their meals. I dont wanna clean up the HUGE effing mess they make when they eat. I dont wanna wash the dishes 3 times a day like I do. I dont want to make the beds. I want some lady who doesnt speak a lick of English scrubbing my toilets, and vacuuming my floors. I want to enjoy them. I do not enjoy my kids very much. I sit in wait for naptime or bedtime. Im just pooped out. I just feel useless. Hopeless, and lonely. Oh Fuck it all. Guess Ill just stuff the shit down farther. I swear someday soon, Im going to explode.