Thursday, September 9, 2010

Today was a good day, an exhausting but good day. I did my first outing of my new attitude with the girls today. We went to Kids Club at the mall, then went to see my Mom at another mall, and then went to the pediatrician. A fun filled day. Im proud of how I dealt with the kiddos. I did not get angry, I didnt get frustrated. We had a great time. Most importantly, I actually had a good time, and that doesnt happen very often.

Whats so funny, is Ill be going about my day and have this great idea for a blog, and I say to myself 'remember this and write a blog about it tonight', then I go and forget. I think I need to invest in a little writing pad, and when something hits me, I need to jot it down and think more on it at a later time.

I just took all my meds.........perc, prozac, ambien, multi vitamin, and super B complex. Im buzzing. These meds hit me fast. Now my mind id just a jumbled mess. Darn it! There was something really interesting I wanted to write about tonight. Now I feel all drunk and slow.

OK, so here is something I just realized. Dont ever think someone is your friend. Cause most of the time, they really arent your friend. They are just around when its good for them. I have friends who at one moment, are telling me this horrible thing they went through and I think wow, we are really getting to be good friends. Well then this friend falls off the face of the Earth for a week.She gets standoffish and then wont say anything. I try to say talk to me but she doesnt put the cards out on the table. I am an all in type of friend. I let you in on every little horrible or immoral thing I have ever done. I want a CLOSE friend. I thought I might have found it in this individual, but I may be wrong. I just want open honest communication. No holding back. Im not scared to reveal who I really am. Ill tell you what I am. My name is Danielle, and I like pills. I take pills. Lots of pills. Seriously, I hate all people seriously. People drive me insane. But I do want a select few with whom I can consort. I think God is real but he is ignoring us. But then I have moments when I look into my daughter's faces and I see God in them. Im a very paradoxical person. Good and Evil. God and The Devil. So come on GET TO KNOW ME, cause I want to get to know you.

I like drugs. I seriously do. I really like ambien. It knocks me out cold. I dont even like the feeling alcohol gives me anymore. When I take me my prozac and my ambien......I wake up feeling great! Why is it that the only way I can feel great is by popping some pill? I have to end this blog because I am drunk off my pills. I am becoming incoherent. That is all for now.......

.......a Terrible thought has moved into my mind, a giant rat thats nibbling on my pride, it feeds on my happiness wont pay the rent, I must take proper measures to evict it............

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