Sunday, October 17, 2010

Life is what you make it....

Yep, life is what you make it. You can either make it heaven or hell. Sometimes I choose to make it hell. I know I control this. Im just too damn tired somedays to fight the negativity. Somedays I feel good enough to make it a good day. This isnt an easy thing. When you have been living in misery for the past 3 years......its not easy to make that change. I struggle with it everyday. But Im trying. Trying to be better. Ive gotta do it not only for my kids, but for myself. Im tired of living in misery.

Now this doesnt mean that everyday will be roses. I will still have days when the kids get on my nerves so damn bad, that Ill go temporarily insane. Im not going to change the fact that being a stay at home Mom is soooo not enjoyable. But if everything is going to hell, well Im gonna do it with a smile on my face.

I have secrets. Feelings and ideas that I will only confess to a few people. Only because they are that shocking. But I have to come to terms with those secrets, if Im going to get past this. Those thoughts and feelings bring tons of guilt upon myself. If I can admit them, perhaps I can overcome them. Can I be happy? Can I stop being miserable? Only time will tell........

1 comment:

  1. I know you can do it!!!! And I'll be there every step of the way!!!!