Ive been watching this awesome show, that unfortunately got cancelled. Camelot, it aired on Stars. Wonderful show. Sex, power, magic, you name it, it was in this show. But more than anything a particular theme came out of this show. It was loss of innocence, loss of grace. And with losing these virtues, the characters learned knowledge. But what they found is that power is not gained by knowledge, pain is. I felt like this echoed in my life so definitively. With the addition of Alexandra to my life, I have gained wealths of knowledge, but with this knowledge has come more intense emotional and mental pain than I ever thought could exist. I have witnessed the miracle of her continued survival, but at a very large cost. I have lost the innocence of ignorance. I am no longer naive, but world weary and tired. But also I have learned to laugh at the little things that used to send me up a tree. With each seemingly negative piece of knowledge, I have learned something comical, and wise.
I have said it before, but this journey is not just for Alexandra. It is for me as well. I dont know where this journey is going to take me, but I dont think thats what really matters. The journey is what matters and what we learn from each obstacle we overcome.
I will never be happy go lucky, I will always see the darker side of things. I dont think most people know that I can see those darker things but still laugh at them. I know where the final destination is for this journey, for Alexandra and for myself. But I will enjoy the ride.....even the difficult parts.