So my last post was all about keeping my new found outlook on things. Well....I actually am keeping it! Right now, we are totally broke, and have no money. So this would typically be a time when I would start getting upset. But to be perfectly honest, their aint shit all I can do about this. Payday is the 23rd, we will have to wait til then. Im totally surprised that I am doing this. We will see if after a week and a half of literally spending NO money, I keep my outlook. I wont be able to take the girls out to McDonalds or anything, and Im going to have to be very creative figuring out food here in this house as the days progress. And this is all happening at Christmas time! I have no money to buy gifts for any of my family, nor anything for my Husband. We were able to get the kids their Christmas gifts, so Im very happy about that. As long as their happy Im happy.
But you know, if I allow myself to think about the whole no money thing...it starts to wear on me. Its like I build up a wall against it and as things get difficult, because I cant take the kids out anywhere, so they are stuck at home, playing inside or outside, they start to get restless. I know, kinda sounds weird, they get to go outside, why would they get crazy? Because my kids are social. They like to go to McDonalds and play in the play area. They like to go to Walmart and see all the people. In our neighborhood, there is not really any kids the girls age who play outside. So yeah, after a few days, they will start getting insane. And Ill start to feel the pressure.
I wonder if I can keep this up. I really hope I can. I will be trying very hard to. Ive got alot of cleaning planned, so thatll keep me busy. Sometimes I feel like when I try to 'occupy' myself, its like shoving the emotions down and it only makes it worse. But I dont know what else to do. Cant go get some retail therapy, that takes money. I will pray for the strength to keep myself from breaking.
Im learning that life never really goes the way you want it to. And in most of the cases, you really cant even control your life. You can control how you react to the things life throws at you though. So heres hoping I react the RIGHT way......