Monday, January 30, 2012

Whats my problem?

Im having a bad day. I always write when Im having a bad day. I think Ive always been more comfortable with the more melancholy emotions of life. So fitting God would choose me to be the Mother of a child with CHD.

Im having some really difficult days with Aria. Shes 2 weeks with no binkie. Shes so emotional. Took her and Alexandra to a birthday party last Saturday and Aria literally cried the entire time.

Sometimes, well most of the time I feel like a shit Mom. Neither of the girls are potty trained, and I have no clue how to do it. Alexandra just physically isnt ready, and I cant get Aria to do anything Alexandra doesnt do. How in the hell am I going to do this? Im so overwhelmed.

I basically got told my children run amuck. Do they? Really? My Mom says they dont listen to me. Id pretty much say thats true. But I have no idea how to get them to. Im currently in the process of time out and counting, which seems to be working. But I still get no respect. Honestly, I dont even know what to write my brain is in such a jumble.

Im really concerned for my parents health. Im concerned because my sister is just totally out of control and will not get help. Shes very bi polar (undiagnosed). She is in a very bad state, and she spits shit out at everyone, which makes it so stressful on my parents. I feel as though I cant talk to my parents about my troubles, because they cannot handle mine, as they have too many with my younger sister. Imagine how that feels? Im literally drowning.

What the hell am I going to do? I feel as though maybe Ive neglected Aria because Alexandra has been so much work. And now the damage is done. How can I change this? Im not a very good 'player'. I cant really play with the girls. I dont know how. So they kinda play and I either sit on the computer or Im cleaning. Like right now.

I wonder why it seems that so often I lose my chipper outlook and it all crashes in on me? At one moment I have all the answers and at the next Im clueless. Whats my problem?

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