I have dreams. Lots of dreams. Not the "I'm asleep, dreaming" kind of dreams but the kind of dreams that live in your heart.
Someone asked me the other day "What's your greatest passion?". Honestly at first I thought to myself "sllleeeeeepppp", but I replied "Keeping my daughter alive".
What a loaded answer.
I'm passionate about many things - its whether or not I will have the opportunity to accomplish those things that really comes into play.
My life isn't easy. But no one's life is easy. We all battle something.
So what do you do when the support needed to accomplish those things isn't there? I don't know. And its where I am now.
I don't want to give up on my dreams. But there are some that may not get accomplished. I can't continue to berate myself for those things. Circumstances just won't allow them to work. So in a way you give them up and put your energy into something else.
It won't be a wasted life leaving some of those dreams behind. It will be working with what I have.
I've learned so many things about myself in the past month or so. And I've realized how I really feel about the world and my place in it.
I've come to terms about the way I feel about my personal relationships and how while they are not what was originally intended I will continue to honor the promise I made. I made the decision to carry more than my share and I know I can do it.
It's gonna be what it is. I may not have control over some of it but I can decide how I will react. So I react with grace, strength and fortitude for the continued fight. I have learned to sway in the gusts of the wind and not break.
My heart is still broken - yes. It always will be. But that's how pain shapes you.
I've got a story to tell. It's sometimes beautiful, joyful and other times its down right horrible.
I am what I am. I'm a product of the environment in which I live in.
Take me as I am.
Also this is the kind of blog posts that get written when you have had no sleep.