Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Ugly Cry

I lost it today in the IEP meeting.

I mean I literally ugly cried. Ugly cried with eyeliner and mascara dripping down my face onto my chest.

Ugly cried.

My Mother came by this morning to watch the kids so Kevin and I could go to the IEP meeting.
Aria mentioned it to my Mom that Kevin and I were going to take them to the San Diego zoo for an overnight trip.

My Mom immediately lit into me. Yelling at me that I have no right to take the kids anywhere because she helped us out with the mortgage payment back in the fall.

I was upset. So upset. The continued blaming on Kevin for reasons that really weren't his fault. The entire time we needed help with the mortgage wasn't because Kevin wasn't at work, it was because Alexandra's SSI was not getting properly given to us, and so we had no money to pay for groceries or the electric bill. Or the car payment. It was a difficult time. That was right when the ceiling (literally) fell in on us. (no really, the air conditioning leaked and the hallway bathroom ceiling caved in)

Kevin even cried in the IEP. Because we are so tired. So tired of trying so hard and not getting anywhere.

It was horrible. I've never lost that much control before in my life.

I have decided I will not be pursuing my Bachelor's degree starting in the Fall. I may revisit this come Christmas this year, but for now, I need to just get a full time job and figure out where we are going.

Someday I will be a teacher. (insert the current ugly cry I am doing right now)

It's time to separate my reliance on my Mother. I haven't stopped crying since this morning.

But now I am going to fix myself up and get Alex and take her to PT. Cause thats what I do.

I suck it up and go.

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